Fffoooddd

I am at work right now and some of you may be thinking, "why is she writing a blog at work?" Well don't worry little panda's I work at a small local pure organic store, it is -30 degrees C outside and there is no one here, so this give me time to do whatever I may want to do under the sun (what very little sun -_- ), except eat.

I went to the back which is where our toaster oven and tea kettle is, I have a delicious glutton free, cheese pizza in hand and I am ready to eat lunch. I am excited, running on 4 hrs of sleep, food and a tea will be really good for me at this point... Turned on the oven to pre-heat and the kettle to warm, and long behold they turn off. Yes they turned off!! I am sure you all can see my dilemma here, so I go to the breaker box and see if you know maybe I blew a breaker, because that seems like a "Shelbie" thing to do. Long behold...

NOTHING. No breaker blew, nothing is wrong with that switch other then the fact is something from above wants me to starve. Thats a little harsh, maybe not want me to starve, BUT I am a little devastated right now.

So how am I going to solve this dilemma? I can walk to subway, but you know... It is a little chilly outside. OR I can eat little snack foods or I can starve and hope that it turns on. Or I can look at the positive side of things and think.... I can loose a pound?? There really isn't a positive side to not eating :P

Anyways, I am sure everything will turn out, its not the end of the world and a little bit of Yoga tonight will do me and my body miraculous things!

xoxo Shelbie

~!~Merry Christmas~!~

I am so EXCITED for Christmas this year!!! 

Words cannot describe on how I feel about Christmas... My mom is such a Christmas lover it is pathetic, but so much fun. We sit around, turn up the Christmas music and decorate or wrap presents or just sit and talk about everyday things. 

My mom and I are very close, practically like sisters. We get on each other’s nerves, take each other’s things, and talk about everyday life that wouldn't normally take place in a typical "mother, daughter" relationship. 

Any who’s this is my mom, brothers and my last Christmas together as "kids." I am graduating, leaving, moving out, moving away and my brother (Lane) is buying his own house and he is going to eventually leave this town. Moms just a tad bit emotional to say the least! :P 

I can't wait for Christmas this year for quit a few reasons mostly about my mom. I finally have a job this x-mas and able to afford Christmas presents! My brother and I bought my mom two extraordinary gifts. A pair of shoes that cost my bank account and we bought her a painting by her favorite artist Angelina Wrona that cost my other paycheck. I am so ecstatic about this only because it makes me feel so good that after all these years I can finally get her nice things and give her a small piece of what she deserves from me and Lane. AHHH I am so excited. 

I know this is out of the whole Christmassy spirit and all, but I just broke my pinkie nail. Usually I don't care, but its before Christmas and I wanted all my nails with me :( and if they broke opening presents well at least there was a reason... Anyways had to get that off my chest. 

Back to Christmas... I am searching for a penguin stuffed animal or something penguin. My little brother (Dylan) has this inside joke with me (he’s 6) and it is about a walking penguin, he absolutely thinks it is hilarious! So do you think Fort St. John Canada has "walking penguin" stuffy... Nope. So now what do I buy him? 

Here is another dilemma... I happen to have another little brother, Chasen, who is four. If I get Dylan a stuffed animal he gets a stuffed animal or else they will fight over their toys later. So what kind of stuffy do I get Chasen? Times a ticken to. Oh well I am sure I will figure something out :) 

Boxing day I am going out to my dads, and from there to my grandmothers, who I am not a big fan of, but one thing I am looking forward to is spending time with my other little brother who is now 8 months!! Yes that is the last of my little brothers: P He is such an amazing baby; he is the most loving carefree angel in the world. I am so blessed to have 3 amazing little brothers who mean the absolute world to me!! Oh and I guess my older brother to. : P 

                    This is Dylan and I :D (My favorite picture ever) 

I have so many things that I am looking forward to and I am so thankful for everything in my life. I am very spoiled and I appreciate every learning experience and hard time I have had in my life because that has made me who I am today!! 

Xoxo Shelbie 

You hold the power... Merry Christmas!!! 

~!~Hold My Hand~!~

There are things in this life that I am sure of: 

~ Love

~ Happiness

~ Friends

~ Family

This is my dream:

I want to feel free. I want to live. I need to live. Go somewhere where life is at its finest. Where you know nobody, you are alone with yourself and the only person you can depend on is yourself. People in this lifetime are becoming less and less self-reliant. People depend on phones, computers, and gossip to keep them going in life, to plan their next day or to find out what "Jimmy's" girlfriends friends brothers friend is doing with her best friend who happens to be "Jimmy's" sister. Who cares? Who wants to care? What happened to simplicity? Where has the simplest form of life gone?

What is the simplest form of life? What is the simplest form of you? That is my question to myself. 

I have so much curiosity for what lies ahead of me. This world holds so much opportunity for me. The only way I feel like I will be able to achieve experiencing life at it’s fullest is leaving Fort St. John, my little brothers who mean the absolute world to me, leaving my best friends, leaving the people who made me who I am today, by leaving the only place I have known and to study the places I have never been. The only way for me to find my purpose is to dream. For me dreaming is living. I want to live my dreams. I will not live to work; I am going to work to live. 

I am not running away. I refuse to run away, because I know I am going to come back! 

This is where my journey is going to start: 

I am starting with Ghana, Africa July 6th-29.  In Ghana I am going to be helping orphaned children and help rebuild a orphanage so that the poorest of poor, which happen to be children younger then I have a better suited living conditions. 

My point of view on going to Ghana and working for the poverty is not to feel bad for them, or to feel bad for myself; for the children and people there don't know anything else. They don't know what life would be like if they had computers, cell phones, TV’s, etc. All they know is family love, surviving. I know the reality of this trip is I am going to feel bad, I am going to feel torn when I have to leave these children, but the reward is so much greater then my feelings of sadness, it will be that I have put a positive influence in a small village in Africa. A small piece of my heart to the children and to grow with people I don't know very well and to get closer to my true self. 

I am only 17, I have my whole life to live, but I don't want to spend half of my life planning to do something. I am going to do it, and I am going to start my life the day I graduate from good ole North Peace Secondary School. :) 

Xoxo Shelbie 

~!~Change~!~

 Everything you look at, everything you touch, everything you see, will change eventually! No one is going to stay in time; no body is going to look like they did when they were born. It's life. 

This world is complicated, but one of the reasons people struggle the most with is (my opinion) change. Everyone (including me) find change scary, unnatural, uncomfortable, and down right stupid. 

Last year for Christmas my mom decided that it was time we go join my family in Calgary for Christmas. Lets just say my mom’s side of the family is a little loopy. My brother and I groaned and begged not to go, (clue number one right?) but we still went.

Long story short, last years Christmas was one of my biggest struggles of change to deal with. Things were so different I was uncomfortable, my brother and mom were grumpy and we just wanted to go home. 

Change in your daily life style is very heard to accomplish. Like trying to brush your hair the opposite way you usually can. Let me know how well that works out. :) 

One of the hardest parts of change is you. You are your own enemy. Your ego constantly plays tricks with you. People play with your ego so they can persuade you to do something or when they compliment you. People are people, no matter how heard you want someone to change; the only person you can change is you. 

~!~Be the change~!~

I'm not perfect, I hear that so much... I'm not perfect. I'm not perfect, no ones perfect. I'm not perfect; I won't claim to be perfect. 

I have struggled with the view of 'perfection' what is perfection? What is good enough? I have struggled with my image of myself, double guessed my thoughts, couldn't trust me. You’re probably thinking, "What does she mean she didn't trust herself?" But that is just it. I couldn't trust my own thoughts. I was depressed and scared to get out of this bubble of sadness, but I just was so comfortable with the idea of staying the same and always being like this. A year later I see the world more clearly than I ever have before. 

How does seeing the world clearly have to do with perfection? 

Well that’s just it. The more you see the world clearly the more you realize that perfection was made just to make people feel bad. To kill yourself esteem, to shed your hope of feeling "perfect." 

But that’s not really the truth is it? 'Perfect' can also be a positive word. As in what you do in your eyes is perfect. It may not be in someone else's eyes only because their view on ‘perfect’ is different. Everyone’s 'perfect' is different. No one is going to be perfect, because there is no such thing. Perfect is not an object, it isn't hobbits on a planet someone blew up, and it isn't real. Perfection is not real. 

I say and do things that sometimes that is uncalled for, but all I have to say about that is "I am human, I make mistakes, and I am a teenager, gotta have fun somehow" :P